bits & pieces from October

when you've underestimated yourself

Independence Pass, the day before it closed for the season.

Hi. Can you believe it’s November? I certainly can’t. I’ve had a hard time keeping up with this space since…September? I think. Weeks just speed on past me, slipping through my fingers like water.

Anyways, a lot happened in October. I had my hands in so many different things. I’m looking back on it now, and am extremely surprised at how much went into a month. I don’t think I have done that much in the time span of 31 days in a very long time. And I was feeling like I had completed nothing up until I wrote this.

It feels good to get shit done. And especially shit that has been weighing on your mind for years.

Anyways. Here’s what happened in October for me. I pulled together a similar list back in August that ya’ll seemed to like, and it’s proven to be a really good exercise in: no, you actually did complete a lot of stuff, stop beating yourself up about thinking you didn’t do anything worthwhile.

I struggle with memory sometimes, and this feels like really a good exercise in documenting life, and milestones. So I think I’m going to turn this into a series every month - a recap of the month and what happened. Mostly for me and my shitty memory, but maybe you’ll like it too?

Growing my baby business.

Starting and growing a business is HARD ya’ll. Did you know? I didn’t, not really. Mad respect to anyone and everyone who builds and grows their own business. I don’t know how people do it (I say, as I kind of half do it). It takes a ton of sweat, and tears, and devotion. Not to mention the shit show that is figuring out how to market in the age of social media. I am slowly figuring it all out but it can be so incredibly frustrating. (I’d take any and all tips, if you have them!)

It’s been such a fun yet difficult learning experience and I am so grateful for it. There have definitely been moments when I’ve wanted to give up, quit, say fuck it. But we’re not doing that anymore. I’ve learned too much about myself and my habits over the past two years that I am getting better at ignoring the instinct within me to just quit when things don’t immediately work out super well.

Just keep going.

Also, if you want to check out my business, feel free to check out my website and get yourself something cute, follow me on social media, and maybe share a post if you are up for that sort of thing? I would greatly appreciate it!

My parent’s cat, Comet, at my grandmother’s house.

Took a beautiful little trip with my sister to visit our grandmother.

I woke up early and started writing a post that I was going to send out while we were there, but there’s never enough time!

It was a really good trip. My sister and I didn’t really grow up together, and in 30 years we have never really spent a whole lot of time together, either. But we spent a long weekend with our grandmother. We cooked and sat by the fire and went to a farm stand and talked about family history. It was very much needed, and it was hard to say goodbye at the end of the weekend.

I watched my older sister walk onto the boarding bridge at O’Hare and shed a couple tears.

Slipped into a bad bout of depression.

Depression is hard. Remembering to take meds is hard. Doing things to take care of yourself can take so much energy sometimes. I wont write more about it here. But if you’re interested and missed my last post, you can find that here.

Drove up to my parents place up in the mountains and spent some needed time alone.

I mainly went up to have a change of scenery as I’ve been restless.

And also to try and focus on some bigger tasks that I had been putting off for quite some time. But I also spent a few days alone and I needed that time to reflect and think. Spent some time among trees and fallen leaves.

I wrote this a year ago, on what would have been his 28th birthday. I’ve been working on a series of collage work with poetry written on my typewriter.

Celebrated my brother’s birthday.

He would have been 29. I celebrated him by picking up a small cheesecake (it was one of his favorite desserts), going for a walk we used to take with our family dog, and lighting candles.

I posted a note about it, but I’ll ask again here. What do you do for these types of anniversaries of loved ones who are no longer here? I would love to know if you feel like leaving a note in the comments.

Found out that I maybe have Celiac disease? Or at least a gluten or wheat intolerance? Or some sort of food allergy, at the least.

I’ve been experiencing a wide range of uncomfortable symptoms for quite a while now. Digestion issues. Nerve pain. Headaches. The list goes on.

And I think I’ve finally figured out - I am maybe a little allergic (or a lot, I don’t know) to gluten or wheat. So I’ve been working on changing my diet. And will eventually get a blood test. But honestly, I’m pretty sure it’s the fucking gluten.

I also have a post in my drafts about this that I’ll get to in the future when I know for sure.

In the meantime, who has tips on switching to being gluten-free?

Applied to jobs. (!)

Yes. I did. I applied to some design jobs. I said I wasn’t going to do it, but I did. They were companies that I would love to work for, and I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity, no matter how slim of a chance that I will even get an interview.

And it required a lot of work. Redoing my resume. Writing all sorts of cover letters. And redoing my personal website (more below).

Applying for jobs is a job within itself and so much work is involved and it’s just kind of looking grim out there, huh?

Anyways. I am open to work and available for freelance if anyone needs a graphic designer! My specialty is print and book design, but I’ve also done web design, social media design, presentations, digital and print ads, marketing and tradeshow collateral, and more.

Redid my personal website. (!!)

The previous job opportunities forced my hand into finally getting my creative portfolio to a better place. I have had this on my list to do for years. YEARS. And I’ve avoided it at all costs because I had a very certain and particular idea in my head of what I wanted it to look like. And I finally let that go and just did the thing.

You ever have those kinds of tasks? That you need to do but for some reason just can’t bring yourself to do because they seem so insurmountable, and then it’s years later and you’re embarrassed and full of shame for not doing it, and then when you finally do it, you ask yourself why it took you so fucking long to do it?

A massive weight has been lifted off of me and I feel like completing this had been such a giant roadblock for me in doing all the other things I want to do.

I would love for you to check it out if you feel like it? I’d take any feedback too if you got it!

Applied to an artist residency. (!!!!)

A first for me! A step into the unknown for me! I applied to the Denver Botanic Garden’s artist residency, Land Line.

I’ve been doing a lot of work in the land of loss and grief over the past year and a lot of that has involved walking outside, in nature and also writing poetry. And I’ve had a lot of ideas for collages, a zine, a book, something on a larger and more collaborative level and the email landed right into my inbox earlier this month at the perfect time when I was thinking about it all.

So I shoot my shot and applied.

And it’s probably a giant long shot for me to get it. But I put myself out there. And isn’t that the point, no matter the outcome?

That’s all I’ve got right now. I hope October was good to you. I hope you’re looking at getting some rest in the months ahead.

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